Have you heard the story about the boiling frog? Supposedly, if you throw a frog into boiling water, it is able to jump out of the trap and save itself. However, when the water around it heats up slowly, the frog does not notice the danger for a long time – it only feels increasing discomfort. And it is precisely this growing discomfort in life that is worth reflecting on seriously.
How Does Change Happen?
People who seek professional support from a psychologist, coach, or therapist often use the word discomfort. They say that reality is not unfolding the way they would like and that they need a change in their lives. They are not always able to define which areas of life this change should concern. Sometimes it is also the closest environment that notices worrying changes and suggests that they should be addressed.
People often make heroic decisions to introduce radical changes in their lives – changing jobs, changing their lifestyle, starting a restrictive diet, or adopting a healthy or athletic lifestyle. The first days and weeks pass, enthusiasm fades (especially when the results of their actions are not spectacular), and discouragement, low mood, and a sense of failure appear in its place – ultimately leading to a worsened self-image. It becomes very difficult to break out of the vicious cycle of promises made to oneself and to loved ones, while the results achieved quickly fade or are not satisfying at all. Instead of repeatedly hitting a wall, experiencing further failures, and feeling increasing discomfort, it is worth considering where the mistake lies that prevents success. This is precisely where the psychology of change becomes helpful.
The Psychology of Change in Practice
The answer to the question “Where is the mistake?” most often lies in three factors: time, technique, and expectations. Usually, we expect that the effects of our actions will appear quickly. However, every change requires time, and unfortunately this is the least attractive aspect for us. We are impatient because making the decision itself was often so difficult that we expect a reward in the form of quick and lasting results. When we do not achieve them, we introduce further changes and corrections while increasingly doubting our own effectiveness and sense of agency.
The way in which we try to introduce changes can also leave much to be desired. When we decide to change something, we often feel so enthusiastic that we do not think about creating a detailed plan, setting goals, or determining how to measure them. We act impulsively, usually trying to put out the nearest fires without reflecting on their sources. This creates an illusion of effectiveness – we are busy, have many tasks to complete, and constantly come up with new ideas that we want to try. At the same time, we continue to function in our everyday roles – working, taking care of children, managing the household – so we feel that life is moving very quickly. Gradually we become more exhausted, disappointed, irritated, and sad – unpleasant consequences of the chaos we have created ourselves.
Unfortunately, we also often stumble over our unrealistically high expectations. We do not always have a realistic picture of ourselves and our abilities, and we base our ideas on patterns we have heard about or seen on the internet. As a result, we evaluate ourselves more and more critically while simultaneously expecting positive changes in our lives.
Is it therefore possible to introduce changes that will truly benefit us in the long term? Of course it is – we simply need to approach them wisely. Professional support may be helpful – a therapist or coach can certainly help you break out of the vicious cycle of unsuccessful attempts and gradually introduce positive changes in your life.
What Does Our Support in the Process of Change Involve?
The foundation of effective and long-lasting change is understanding and gaining a complete view of the situation we are in. It is worth investing time and effort in creating a personal change plan that considers both our needs and capabilities, as well as the needs of our loved ones, who can be an invaluable source of strength and support. It is important that the plan for change is rather evolutionary than revolutionary – revolutions may look more attractive, but slow evolution has greater effectiveness because it allows us to build on our existing resources and correct small mistakes along the way. It does not force us into hasty decisions made under time pressure and therefore does not create additional stress.
Due to the number of aspects that should be considered when planning change, it is worth working with a specialist who can support us at every stage of the process. You may benefit from the support of a psychologist or help from a psychotherapist, who can help identify and overcome dysfunctional patterns that influence our lives. The support of a coach can also be extremely helpful, as they can help reveal the resources you already possess that can be used to build a strong and comprehensive action plan. A fresh outside perspective, professional knowledge and experience, as well as an atmosphere of support and motivation may become factors that help you achieve the desired results, while also strengthening your self-confidence and belief in your own effectiveness in other areas of life.