Nowadays, more and more people struggle with addiction. Usually, all attention and activity are focused on the person who is addicted. However, the problem of addiction also affects family members who are in the close environment of the affected individual. Years of living in close relationships with a person struggling with addiction can lead to the development of destructive behavioral patterns that make normal functioning difficult or even impossible.
What is codependency?
Codependency is a dysfunction that may occur in people who are in close relationships with someone struggling with addiction. The term codependency refers exclusively to adults who are potentially able to leave the relationship. This means that, according to the definition, children and parents of the addicted person are not considered codependent.
The essence of codependency is the presence of a pathological pattern of adaptation to a difficult situation. The maladaptive behavioral patterns developed by codependent individuals negatively affect their functioning and contribute to maintaining a dysfunctional family system. As a result, they remain in a situation that gradually leads to exhaustion and deterioration of their own well-being. The most common form is codependency related to alcohol addiction, although this syndrome may develop in the course of any other type of addiction.
How does codependency develop?
The emergence of addiction in a family disrupts the existing balance. A person who is in a close relationship with someone addicted tries to adapt to the new situation; however, sometimes this reaction becomes dysfunctional and maladaptive. In the first stage, the codependent person may deny the existence of the problem, which serves to maintain the illusion of family homeostasis. As the addiction progresses, denying the problem becomes increasingly difficult, which leads the codependent person to focus all their energy on solving the issue.
This often results in neglecting one’s own needs and subordinating one’s life to the attempt to save the loved one and free them from addiction. As a result, the codependent person gradually experiences self-destructive processes.
Symptoms of codependency
The symptoms of codependency may vary depending on the individual, but the most common ones include:
- excessive focus of attention and concentration of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors on the addicted person’s problem, subordinating every aspect of life to it,
- constant control over the addicted person’s behavior (pouring out alcohol, searching the apartment),
- a belief that one has influence over the addicted person’s recovery,
- frequent mood swings that may lead to the desire to use psychoactive substances,
- psychosomatic disorders such as diarrhea, stomach pain, and headaches,
- in the case of alcohol codependency, justifying the drinking partner’s behavior,
- taking full responsibility while placing no expectations on the addicted person,
- low self-esteem and a reduced sense of self-worth,
- constant feelings of guilt resulting from taking responsibility for the partner’s addiction,
- inability to leave the partner or end the relationship despite its destructive impact on one’s life.
Characteristics of a codependent person
Codependent individuals are usually people whose sense of self-worth depends on their ability to influence their own emotions and behaviors as well as those of others. They tend to focus on meeting the needs of others while neglecting their own desires. Codependent individuals often have difficulties setting boundaries in interpersonal relationships, allowing the behavior of others to negatively affect their lives. By constantly focusing on other people, they gradually lose the ability to recognize their own feelings and needs.
A characteristic trait of a codependent person is also an illusory sense of control over the situation and the belief that they must handle everything on their own. As a result of constant tension, denial of reality, and hiding problems, a codependent person may experience anxiety, psychosomatic symptoms, sleep problems, or neurotic disorders.
Goals of codependency treatment
Therapy for codependent individuals should primarily focus on regaining personal autonomy and separating one’s sense of self-worth from other people. An important element of therapy is learning the skill of setting personal boundaries and avoiding the tendency to center all thoughts and actions around the addicted person.
An essential goal of therapy is to regain a sense of control over one’s own life, stop taking responsibility for the partner’s addiction, and change maladaptive behavioral patterns.
The therapeutic process for a codependent person also aims to break down defense mechanisms that have been used so far. This allows the individual to objectively assess the problematic situation and implement effective strategies for coping with it.
Psychotherapy for codependent individuals
Family members of an addicted person often believe that therapy is needed only for the individual struggling with addiction. This is a misconception because addiction destabilizes the functioning of the entire family system and therefore affects all individuals who remain in close contact with the addicted person.
The support of a psychotherapist is essential in restoring emotional balance, which has often been severely disrupted by years of living with someone struggling with addiction.
Psychotherapy for codependent individuals involves regular meetings between the psychotherapist and the patient. During individual sessions, the patient gradually learns new ways of responding and focusing on their own needs.
In many cases, individual therapy is combined with group therapy, where participants share similar experiences and challenges. Group psychotherapy provides support for codependent individuals and helps reduce the feeling of isolation in a difficult life situation.